All relationships have bumps and roadblocks along the way. Proper conflict resolution strengthens the quality of your relationship. Taking the effort to solve problems constructively rather than destructively, helps to create a stable and lasting relationship. If you have been struggling with effective communication and relationship satisfaction, you may need to reevaluate your behaviors and begin to adjust approaches in order to avoid disappointment and escalation.

Behaviors to Avoid

Avoidance. When an argument occurs, it is important to communicate your thoughts to your partner. Avoidance strategies make it impossible to come up with solutions. Short-term and long-term avoidance have an impact on emotional satisfaction and intimacy in a relationship.

Postponing conflict resolution. When frustrated by an argument, one or both partners may walk away from the interaction before coming to a resolution because they do not want the conflict to grow out of control. While breaks are important when situations escalate, abandoning your partner during an important conversation can be damaging as the other partner can feel isolated and shut down. When feeling abandoned by your partner, you may be less inclined to share what is on your mind and come to an effective solution. Instead of turning away from a conflict, communicate to your partner that you need a minute to gather your thoughts before continuing the discussion. Generally, you should never delay a conversation that causes you to go to sleep upset at your partner, and you should make a conscious effort to talk about problems as they come up.

Recommended Behaviors

Communication. Being honest and expressing your feelings is the best way to address a conflict. Your partner cannot read your mind and may not know exactly what is ticking you off, so letting them know immediately and calmly has the best results as they will learn how to act in future situations.

Practice mindfulness. Mindful conflict resolution is the practice of controlling your thoughts and reactions, staying calm and collected, and focusing attention on non-critical attitudes. It is about focusing on the present and being open-minded and sensitive to the other person’s feelings.

Listen before reacting. Consider taking 5 seconds to hear what your partner has to say, internalizing it, and then engaging in a response. Sometimes we say things impulsively that escalate conflicts. There are two sides to every conflict, but when angry at a partner, we often respond with our emotions instead of rationalizing the situation. Really listening to what your partner has to say makes you more empathetic and understanding of their struggles and changes your approach when responding.

Treat your partner with kindness. Hostile joking, sarcasm, speculations, and insults only add to poor relationship quality and dissatisfaction. In order to build a relationship, you must treat your partner as you want to be treated both mentally and physically.

References

  • Fitzpatrick, M. A., Fallis, S., & Vance, L. (1982). Multifunctional Coding of Conflict Resolutio Strategies in Marital Dyads. Family Relations, 31(1), 61–70. https://doi.org/10.2307/ 584202
  • Gesell, N., Niklas, F., Schmiedeler, S., & Segerer, R. (2020, July 25). Mindfulness and romantic relationship outcomes: The mediating role of conflict resolution styles and closeness – mindfulness. SpringerLink. Retrieved May 23, 2022, from https://link.springer.com/article/ 10.1007/s12671-020-01449-9
  • Marchand, J. F., & Hock, E. (2000). Avoidance and Attacking Conflict-Resolution Strategies among Married Couples: Relations to Depressive Symptoms and Marital Satisfaction. Family Relations, 49(2), 201–206. http://www.jstor.org/ stable/585817

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