You should always aim to avoid the awkward situation where finances become a point of conflict between you and your partner. Having a system for how you handle money with your partner is normal and healthy, but even so, financial arrangements are unfortunately a common cause of everyday conflict.

Understanding the Issue

First, let’s develop a general understanding of why couples fight about finances. Money can be used to show a sense of dominance or ownership, and when one partner contributes more to the financial pool, tension can be created. Both partners can experience this tension in different ways and feel a range of emotions – from feeling guilt, to anger, to shame.

Having financial grounding gives you independence and a different outlook on opportunities. When you feel like your financial situation is lacking, other aspects of your life become less enjoyable because of your preoccupation with money and concern for how you will provide for your family. Even when a couple is financially secure, problems can still arise. When there is constant monitoring and facilitation of different expenses, partners may not agree where money should be spent.

Managing and Avoiding Arguments

In order to reduce financial disagreements, communication is absolutely necessary. A good starting point is to make a specific outline including a structure to provide yourselves with a common goal and strategy for how to use money according to your financial needs. With a system, unpleasant disputes are avoided since everything is agreed upon in advance. This type of agreement should be built to consist of all the practical elements in your life, also leaving room for unexpected hardships and disturbances. With advanced planning, if unfortunate events do arise, the mental strain is not as severe because you are prepared to handle difficulties as a couple and have already committed to working towards a pragmatic solution.

Some other advice to consider is that your relationship should always come first, and other issues like finances second. While finances do create a tense energy within a relationship, it can be helpful to have a barrier between economics and emotional connections.

References

  • Lauer, S. R., & Yodanis, C. (2011). Individualized Marriage and the Integration of Resources. Journal of Marriage and Family, 73(3), 669–683. http://www.jstor.org/stable/ 29789609
  • Treas, J. (1993). Money in the Bank: Transaction Costs and the Economic Organization of Marriage. American Sociological Review, 58(5), 723–734. https://doi.org/ 10.2307/2096283

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